everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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