I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
