turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize