Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
