I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You've changed since you got that strap on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
