READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
