I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
