I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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