Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
