I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
