My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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