I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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