All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
