If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
