naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
