saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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