THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize