gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
