last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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