No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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