i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
