I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
