Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
