Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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