Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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