You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
