...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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