Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
