I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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