i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
