4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
