some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
