my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
