i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize