I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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