WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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