I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
