Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
