He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
