FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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