He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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