Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
