I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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