Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
