CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
operation have a gay friend backfired
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize