There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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