It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
