We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
