she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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