oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
