I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
