you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
