i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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