Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
