True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
