I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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