is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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