In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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