Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
