I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
