no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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