Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He passed out mid-signature
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
