My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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