Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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