I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
