did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
