At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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