i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
