I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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